12.31.2014

hello goodbye


Just like that, it's suddenly today, the last day of the year.

I doubt any of you are reading blog posts tonight, and good for you. Spend time with people you love, be merry and bright, have a glass of champagne or good beer, etc. But I was struck with the desire to write a post today, so here I am. I'm not one for resolutions; I don't believe they stick. But I believe in reflection. And intention. Even if it is a cliche day for both.

So I'll start with the reflections. Another year with the love of my life, more hard conversations and large decisions, stresses and disagreements, and deeper unity. A relationship is work: we put in the hours, we show up every day, and it's been a good year. I'm another year older, and such a wildly different person than I used to believe I would grow up to be. And I am proud of her, this person I am, this person I didn't expect. I have a lot of work left to do, but I know it can be done. I'm no longer so afraid of the slow pace progress can take. I've been through another major move, another new city and state, another new job, and am finally beginning a new approach towards the "success" question. I'm making the least money I ever have since I was 18 years old, my life looks nothing like I imagined it would, and I am the happiest I have ever been. This was a big year, both long and short, and it was a good one.

As for next year, I have a few simple intentions that are really anything but.

I want to continue to examine closely the belief systems that were given to me. All these beliefs our culture and society and country and family and peers expect us to share - these are beliefs I didn't choose, but inherited. More and more I find that when I stop to examine these systems and their subsequently expected behaviors, I realize I wouldn't choose them for myself. I don't choose them for myself. This is a short and perhaps cryptic way to talk about a huge and complex set of issues that I believe touches everything from personal hygiene to my bank account. I'll leave it be at that for now; I'll be revisiting this a great deal more on the blog this year. Let's get meta.

Secondly, and lastly: I want to run full speed after my own happiness. I can't pretend I'll do it fearlessly, but I have come to accept that it's okay to be afraid as long as I can still move in the right direction. And move we must, and quickly. Life is short and precious, and I have a long habit of putting off for today any happiness I could have instead tomorrow. This is the year that changes. 

Happy New Year, darlings. Thanks as always for reading. I'll see you next year.

2 comments:

  1. happy new year to you! may you find all the happiness that is waiting out there for you!

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  2. dear you! i wish you a wonderful year
    filled with gold rimmed days
    and although we never met
    and i am so much older than you
    i feel the same about the now and the futher
    the precious life we have and that like you
    i will run full speed after my own happiness
    with fear and a smile ;^))
    xx

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